What Does Flexibility Look Like?

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In the discussion about routines vs. schedules, most work-at-home and stay-at-home moms agree that flexibility is key. No matter what sort of plan you set for your day, make sure it is flexible since life with kids is a little less than 100% predictable. I wholeheartedly agree! However, what exactly does that mean?

Sometimes, I may set aside household chores to read aloud to a child. That's flexibility. Other times, I may leave dishes in the sink and sit on the couch with a book. That, at least for me, borders on laziness.

A toddler throws a tantrum during a math lesson with my 4th grader, so I send her to practice piano while I deal with the disciplinary action. That's flexibility. Or I may skip math altogether and go to the park. That, at least on some days, teaches my child that fun comes before work when it should be the other way around.

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A friend calls me with a genuine need so I postpone school and chores for the day to come to her aid. That's flexibility. However, chatting for an hour on the phone about nothing when I should be doing laundry results in no clean clothes for my family. That's not good, no matter how you look at it!

Just because I have the freedom to make my own schedule and set my own rules as a mom not employed outside the home does not mean that I should just let every day "happen". That's not flexibility at all. It's a good recipe for chaos!

When I "change up" the routine for whatever reason, I try to answer these questions in my mind:

1.  Am I making a conscious decision as to what is best for our family or am I just reacting to a perceived "emergency"?
2.  Am I making this change in order to make people in my life a priority or will this change affect my family or my children's training negatively?
3. In the light of eternity, what is more important: this change or sticking to the original plan?

Does that sound a little too analytical? Whether not you run through my checklist before heading out to the park, I hope you realize that every choice we make as mothers (working or stay-at-home) affects our families profoundly for eternity. This is just the dress rehearsal for the biggest production of our lives. Eternal life that is.

Guest Post: When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

My day began at 2:30 a.m. My husband was sick and we were both awake because of his coughing.
Eventually he got up and I fell back asleep. He came back to bed at 3:30 a.m. We fell asleep. Our alarm went off at 6:10 a.m. Since we'd been up quite a bit and my husband was still not feeling good, we didn't get up until 7:00 a.m. By then, our boys were awake and ready to start their day.

After I got my husband out the door for work, I tried to have a quiet start to my morning, by drinking a cup of coffee and getting some work done on my computer while the boys played quietly in their room. My boys would have none of that. They were ready to get up…ready to eat breakfast…and cranky.

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Before I had even started on breakfast, I was close to tears. I was tired. The day seemed overwhelming. I didn't have the energy or desire to be a loving mom. I couldn't wait for day to be over.

Once I had breakfast on the table, I grabbed my Bible and sat down while my boys ate their breakfast. In between the interruptions that come with being a mother of two young boys, I read Proverbs 16:24.

"Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."

I was humbled. God didn't have a big to-do list for me to accomplish. In fact, the to-do list was entirely of my own making and none of it had to be done that day. My focus needed to be on my words. I had the power to encourage and build up my sons during a rough day or discourage and berate them for not letting mommy rest. When I saw my day through the perspective of this verse, I realized that the day wasn't as overwhelming as I had thought.

Sure, I would still try to get some things marked off my to-do list. But that wasn't the day's top priority. My top priority was to invest in my children.

So we had our morning Bible time and we went over our memory verses…multiple times, because Drew wanted to. I watched Drew run and fall down (a favorite activity of little boys…not sure why it's fun :-)) as I did the dishes. While I read my book, I sat near the boys, who were playing with their cars.

When I slowed down, re-evaluated my day and sought to spend the day giving my children "sweetness and health" through my words, my day turned around. I was no longer overwhelmed. I knew I was right where God wanted me to be…tired, sick husband, cranky children and all.

Carrie has been married to her best friend (Tim) for five years. She is the mother of two boys, Drew (4) and Carter (2). She enjoys her job as a wife, mother, and homemaker; her passion is to encourage other women in their walks with God. She blogs at www.wholesomewomanhood.com.

Boxes

The following post is written by our newest monthly contributor, Tonya Hamilton. You will be introduced more formally to each of our new contributors once we get a few more bugs worked out.

Let me out of here! Let me out, I say! Being crammed into a box is no fun, yet some of us put ourselves and others in one, as well. We each have a set idea of how the world should function. If it doesn’t fit into our boxes, then life just isn’t functioning according to how we perceive. Personally, I know this from experience. The Lord has been challenging me to get out of my box!

Inside the box we peer out through the peephole just for a second. There are many things we see yet we must get busy: Jobs to be done… House to clean… Laundry to wash… Meals to cook…Schedules to meet…Groceries to buy…Children to care for…The list could go on and on.  We are too focused on our little box to take more than a few moments to take a peep.  But if we would open the lid, climb out of the box and focus on the world around us then we might change our task list. It could include:  People to help! Hearts waiting to be loved! Faces needing a smile! Spirits needing a lift! A hungry belly to fill! A child needing a hug! A discouraged soul waiting for words of affirmation! A sick person that needs a meal! An older person that needs a visit! Oh, the possibilities they are too numerous to list.  

As this New Year has begun, this seems to be the emphasis that God has been resonating time and again in my heart. The world is hurting, yet life is so busy that we don’t take time to show we care. A simple meal fixed. A card of encouragement mailed. A short phone text sent. A praise written on a Facebook wall.  A small gift given. A batch of cookies shared. A loaf of bread baked. While these thoughts have been swirling in my head, opportunities to provide these things were in front of my nose.

 
For instance, just this week I was out running errands with 3 of my children. Weather in Central Ohio has been cold and snowy the past few days, finally! As we were driving towards our bank, on the corner was a woman standing on a corner holding a young girl’s hand waiting to cross. I recognized her as a cashier at my local grocery. I immediately thought to stop, but knew I was on a time-crunch, as usual, and must make it to the bank before closing time. However, when I pulled out of the bank I realized that it was one of those moments, so I turned and went down the street she was headed. They were a couple blocks down and I pulled up beside her to offer a ride. She immediately accepted. I took her to her destination and invited her and the little girl to our church. What an opportunity! I can’t tell you how good it made me feel. (I have never done something like that before!)

Getting out of my box! I did it! I did it! I really did! So my challenge this year…not just peeking out but to open the lid and climb out of my box often. Want to join me?

Thoughts on Comparing

There's a lot going around the blogosphere about being "enough" and not comparing oneself to others. I always read these posts with interest. I think that every woman has the tendency to compare herself to another woman at some point and on some level. If you've never had that problem, please let us know your secrets!

These thoughts are rather random, but they have been rolling around in my brain for awhile as I've considered this topic. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments in addition to these!

Real Men Love Real Women
Even in Christian media, we get mixed messages when it comes to how we "should" look. Even the most "perfect" models worry that they don't measure up in this area, so I'm thinking that most of my readers have struggled at some point with not looking ___________ enough. Christian authors and writers tell us that our husbands love us the way we are, then they tell us that we need to keep ourselves looking our best so they won't stray. I'm not going to go into it anymore here, but two great messages from GUYS have come into my radar recently that were so encouraging in this area.

Here they are if you want to be encouraged:

I'd Rather Have a Proverbs 31 Woman Than a Victoria's Secret Model

"How Do I Look?" A 7-Part Series by Hallee's husband

Christ-Centered or Self-Centered
 O.K. that was the encouragement before the "ouch"! Just thought I'd warn you! At least it has the potential to be an "ouch" for me.  I first heard a preacher say this, but I've heard it several times since. It's simple, yet it was profound for me.

"A humble person (the opposite of self-centered) doesn't think highly of himself nor does he have a bad opinion of himself. He simply doesn't think of himself at all."

What does this have to do with comparing ourselves with other women? Much! When I am thinking of that other mom and how she never gets impatient with her kids like I do or that woman that has the perfect wardrobe in size 2 that I don't have, I am not thinking of  Christ. I am not thinking of that woman and her welfare. No, I am thinking only of myself. I am acting as if the world centers around me rather than my Savior, and I'm disappointed because I am not the best at ______________. Centering my life around Christ should make my extra pounds and sometimes-cluttered house seem pretty insignificant.


Two Comparisons We Should Make
Although we should not compare ourselves to other women either in a self-deprecatory way or a self-exalting way, there are two comparisons that are important. One is to compare yourself to the person you used to be. Have you grown in any area? Have you conquered some bad habits? Consider how far you've come, and thank the Lord for the strength He's given you to improve.

The other comparison we should make is to compare ourselves with Jesus Christ. Are we ever going to measure up? Nope. However, if we see how perfectly He lived out His life, we can be inspired to be as much like Him as possible. If we endeavor to do that, we will grow!

An Audience of One
On my reading list last month was Angie Smith's What Women Fear. In it, she was talking about how we perform for others or worry about what others think of us. She gave the illustration of a stage with only herself performing. She talked about all the people that she would want there if she performed well. Then, she said that she endeavors to perform this act we call life for an audience of One.

I remember a similar feeling on my wedding day. My parents had spent more than they ever had in my life on my dress for that day and the flowers I carried. If I ever were to look my best, this was it. All of my closest family and friends were there. I was headed down the aisle as the focal point of the ceremony. "Here Comes the Bride!" However, when those doors opened, all the people might as well have not even showed up for all I noticed them. My eyes were on my favorite person in the room, my soon-to-be husband. I didn't care if everyone else in the building thought my dress was of horrible taste. I searched his eyes; and when I saw his approval, I was satisfied. His opinion was the only one that mattered.

If you want to look your best, care for your home the best you can, be the best mother you can be, or be the best ____________: go ahead! But block out all other faces, and look way up into His face. If you see His smile of approval, you can forget about everyone else. The way He loves, accepts and cherishes you----to that there is no comparison!