I sit in the quiet of the wee hours, Bible in hand, coffee steaming on the table beside me.All seems peace, but storm clouds threaten on the distant horizon. What if....? What about....this? How will I make it through....that? Questions pull at my thoughts. They are always there, ominous like the storm clouds. Always forming and occasionally dripping with precipitation.
I read. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart". "Rely on, depend on the Lord." What is trust...exactly? How do I trust when there's....this? Is dependence negating any responsibility in the matter? More questions. Always questions.
"Lean not unto thine own understanding." "Do not depend on your own native instincts." Which instincts? The ones to fight for survival....for my rights....for convenience....for comfort? Even those instincts? Again....questions.
"In all thy ways acknowledge Him." "Have fellowship and intimacy with God in all of life." Fellowship? Intimacy? Now? In the midst of...this? My questions fade a bit. Is this the answer? The answer to all those relenting questions? Is questioning really just doubt? Neglecting to really fellowship, to really draw close?
I trust. I lean into Him. I commune with Him and His thoughts toward me. I cease talking and listen. All is peace. I look to the sky. The storm clouds are still there, threatening. But so is He. The questions are still there, niggling at the back of my mind. But so is He. The answer? It is right here as well. And it is He.
Jennifer Self is a disciple of Jesus Christ who loves following His plan for her life as a wife to the most wonderful man in the world and mama to four little blessings. Her days are filled with spending time with her man, homeschooling, preparing reasonably healthy meals and keeping the dust bunnies and the clutter monster at bay with a little blogging mixed in. After her family has been taken care of, she dabbles in her other passions of reading, health and music. She blogs about her life, her Heavenly Father, marriage, parenting and home at www.joyeverafter.blogspot.com and real food for real families from the perspective of real faith at www.growingreal.net.