Monday, December 20, 2010

Are You Married to a Husband?

Sound like a silly question? Maybe so. However, when I hear some women talk, I think they get a bit confused. Maybe I get confused sometimes, though I'm trying to keep clarity on this issue.

For example, some women talk to me like they are married to a child. They say things like, "He acts like one of the kids." and "He just wants me to baby him all the time." Many times the husband in question is the main breadwinner of the family and does a lot of things for his wife. Sometimes wives even talk to them in the condescending tone that mothers reserve for their 2-year-olds. I think they just might be confused about to whom they are married.

Some women think they are married to a patient--even if they're not doctors. I always cringe when someone tells me she is putting her husband on a diet, for example. To me, that is not something one does to a spouse. I mean, I would be mortified if my husband told me what I could and couldn't eat because he wanted me to lose weight. Not that I couldn't benefit from it, but I pay my doctor for health advice. Therefore, I wonder why women try to play doctor to their husbands---more confusion on to whom they are married, I suppose.

Other women think they are married to their father. As in how a three-year-old little girl relates to her father. Their husbands don't notice their new outfit, and they pout. Someone hurts their feelings and they expect their husband to champion their cause. Their husband makes a suggestion for improvement and they go to their room and cry. I'm thankful my father taught me not to act like this (even if I haven't always heeded his training), but some women just must be confused on their relationships to their husbands.

One other confusion I see is that sometimes  women think they are married to their mothers. They drag him reluctantly into store after store while they shop. They curl up and cry and want their husband to tsk, "There, there" or something else their mother would say. They get sick and expect him to wait on them hand and foot.

Maybe a lot of our marriage problems would be solved if we would just remember we are married to a husband. I'm trying to remember that. How about you?


  1. This is a great post! I love it. ~ Chris W.

  2. I think it is good to remember that God created Eve to be a helpmate for Adam, not the other way around. Our husbands are called to love us as Christ loves the church, but they aren't called to wait on us hand and foot.

    I love this post - thanks!

  3. I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to.

    God Bless You :-)


  4. I agree with alot of that but some of it I dont. I believe that a husband SHOULD be there and help his wife when she is sick, that is part of the marriage vows. You should not be expected to clean,cook,laundry and everything else you do when you are truely sick. Men go to work outside of the house, but they also call in when they are sick and someone else (whoevers responsibility it is) must take over and do their job for them, in the home case it would be the husbands responsibilites to feed the kids and such if the wife is out sick.
    Also I believe that a husband is a best friend, and when you are hurt in your feelings,you have a right to go to him and have him listen and comfort..thats part of being a husband, as well as being a wife you SHOULD take your cares and concerns to your partner.
    Just to be the other side here, can you please explain to me exactly what the ideal "husband" would do then? Besides going out and providing the money for the family?

  5. I understand what you are saying, fallenbutterfly.Part of the disconnect is I don't write to husbands, I write to wives.

    As far as the wife doing her regular chores when she is sick, that's not what I was suggesting. I was talking about the women that expect their husbands to act as their nurse when they are capable of caring for themselves.

    That is not to say that a husband should not comfort his wife when she genuinely needs comfort, but I see a lot of immaturity on the part of wives that I was addressing here--myself included at times.

    Hurt feelings are a touchy thing. Genuine hurt can quickly turn to bitterness, and I think a wise husband will listen to his wife's concerns but point her to forgiveness and looking at the best side of the issue.

    The ideal husband will love his wife as Christ loves the Church and be willing to give up his life for her.

    I hope that clarifies things a bit.