Monday, April 2, 2012

What I Would Do To Fall in Love Again

It makes me very sad when I hear a woman say about her husband, "I'm just not in love with him anymore." As if that was enough to walk away from all they have had and all they have contributed through their marriage.

While we wish marital love was always bright sun on turquoise waves and sandy beaches, sometimes the winds blow and the sand becomes grit behind our eyelids. The peaceful ocean whips into a tsunami and the sun blisters our skin. We wonder what happened to the love of a lifetime and if there is any life left in our love.


A post like this needs a disclaimer. Admittedly, I am not a therapist and I have a wonderful relationship with my husband who treats me like a queen. If safety is in jeopardy or vows have been broken, these tips may not be applicable. However, I believe that generally marriage is for life and vows are made before God as well as before man. I can only tell you what I think I would do. If I felt that I had "fallen out of love" with my husband, I think I would employ these strategies before thinking our marriage had bit the dust as well:

There has to be some good still there. There was when you met him and when you married him you thought he was absolutely perfect. Dig through the clutter of regret and shake off the dust of a neglected love and see where the treasure is, hidden though it may be. Is he a great dad? Does he work hard? Is he faithful to you? Focus on those things that are good and wonderful in your husband.

That wink he gave you from across the room when you were dating that made your heart beat staccato rhythm. The gentle way he held your hand and looked into your eyes as you spoke your vows. The times he woke with the baby in the middle of the night so you could get extra rest. That special getaway or date. Remember the love you have shared and specific ways and times you did so.

No, hypocrisy doesn't have a place in marriage. Things have to be 100% real. However, you can look and remember and pretend that things are as they once were. Do all the little things that you once did when you were in love. Chances are those actions of love are the things that will bring back the "feeling" of love again.

Believe that God created marriage to be for life and act as if you believe it. Determine that you will do whatever is in your power to make the marriage work and to fall in love again. Making this decision goes a long way towards putting love into action again.

When you see the good and act on your love whether you feel it or not, don't keep it to yourself. Tell your husband about the good you see in him. Thank him for the things he does. You may even tell him that you are determined to fall in love with him again. I think it probably won't take long for him to get on board as well!

Have you tried these tips? Have they put the love back into your marriage? I'd love to hear about a marriage restored in a world of marriages crumbling!

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