I realized that my definition of fighting could be off, so I consulted dictionary.com. Here's what I found:
- to engage in battle or in single combat; attempt to defend oneself against or to subdue, defeat, or destroy an adversary.
- an angry argument or disagreement:
These definitions seem to assume that my husband is my adversary and any disagreement we have must involve anger and arguing in an attempt to destroy each other. And this is supposed to be normal?!
Thankfully, (at least in this case) my husband and I are not usually considered normal. Although we've had a few disagreements and had to discuss them, I do not remember a time when we felt like adversaries or argued in an angry manner. Maybe it will come later since the marriage counselors say it happens to all couples.
While sharing a piece of cheesecake on our monthly date a few nights ago, I asked my husband what I should say to you about fighting. I want to be real with you, but I want to make sure the definitions are clear.
Have we been angry with each other? Yeah. Have we misunderstood each other? Sure. However any disagreement is always followed by a discussion to resolve it quickly. This is because we are on the same team and do NOT consider ourselves adversaries. We don't raise our voices and insult each other. We don't try to hurt one another even with words or insinuations. That is how one fights an adversary. It is not how one resolves conflict with the person they love the most in the world.
What do you think? Do all couples fight? What exactly does fighting in marriage look like?
By the way, my husband did give me an answer but it's a little fuzzy since we were in conflict for the last bite of cheesecake. Only kidding! I'll tell you what he said in next week's post.