Well, here we are again. Yet another way to spoil our husbands! Don't get my wrong, I'm married to a wonderful man, and I love to spoil him. I love to do things to please him, and he does the same for me. But, before I get into this week's assignment, I wanted to throw an idea out to you. I'd really like to know what you all think, 'cause this intrigues me. (In other words, I'm ready for a little less sickening sweetness and a little more controversy! ;-) Only kidding!) I've read a lot of "help meet" books. I've talked a lot about being a help meet, especially during this Completing Him Challenge. I'm all about proper Biblical submission to our husbands. However, this chat Laura from Heavenly Homemakers had with Lisa Whelchel made me curious. Though you should read the whole post to get the gist of what they were discussing, here's the quote that stood out to me:
...being a good help meet doesn’t mean that we’re to just completely give up on what we need and desire in our marriage, just to make our husbands happy. We have to be honest and tell our husbands what we need, otherwise they can’t grow into the husband God desires them to be.
Could we be handicapping our husbands' growth by making things too easy for them? Hmmmm....What do you think?
Anyway, I did ask my husband about his favorite meal. I must not have spoiled him to rottenness yet, because he said something very sweet like every meal I make is his favorite or some such nonsense. Instead of giving me specifics, he said he likes a "meat and potatoes style meal", preferably beef. Dessert isn't a big deal to him--a trait I'm wishing would rub off on me very soon! I guess we also aren't too exotic on our drinks around here, either. He always gets what he wants to drink--Pepsi, Cherry Coke or sweet tea. I also do not cater to the children when we eat, as you've probably noticed. They eat what we eat (or they don't eat), and my husband and I usually like about the same things. So, I have a pretty easy assignment this week.
If you're really curious about what I'll make, his favorite dinner will probably be pot roast with potatoes, carrots and gravy and a salad. As far as desserts, this morning I made homemade cinnamon rolls for the first time in my life using this bread machine recipe, so that should count for something, right? ;-) As far as drinks, the last time I stocked up on his pop, I got 3 cases of Cherry Coke and only 1 of my favorite, Vanilla Coke (yes, I know, I'm not supposed to be drinking this right now!).
Which brings me back to the thought-provoking quote I mentioned above. He's happy, I'm happy. But is that o.k.?
Honestly I think just because we're happy or striving to please our husbands does not mean that we are not helping them to become the men they are supposed to be in God's eyes.
ReplyDeleteI see it this way.
If I am pleasing my husband, making sure his needs are met, making sure he has time to be with myself and our children, making sure he has clothes washed, bed made, etc.
When a need, desire, thought, concern, want, idea, opportunity, etc. presents itself I feel like we can jump with both feet to work on those things because I have done my part in creating an atmosphere and physical time so we can further discuss these things.
If both parties are dedicated to the marriage and wanting to better themselves and the marriage I think they would be open to honest dialogue about character, life, kids, leading, submitting, etc.
In our marriage we have not always been on the same page though. My husband was not saved for a time.
So on the flip side...
I believe because of my diligence in seeking to please him, making sure his needs in the home were met, helping him to see his potential in Christ, trying to forgive him every chance I got gave him a haven of sorts. He eventually came to the Cross and is on fire for the Lord. And now beside God who do you think is his go to girl? Yep, me.
Just because we are pleasing our husbands does not mean that we are hindering them as leaders. I actually think that it is quite the opposite and we are creating a bond and an atmosphere of love and acceptance.
Just my thoughts.
Speaking from my own experience, which is all I have to go by, my husband and I have tried to make each other happy. He hasn't sat back and expected me to make him happy and forget about my own needs and desires. In fact, I would say he has been more concerned for me much more often than I have been for him.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the author of the quote you included, but I'm thinking she might be overthinking things a bit. If you and your husband are both happy, why should you be concerned that something is wrong? My mother used to say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." In other words, thank God for your happy marriage and relax in it. The more I think about this statement, the more silly it seems to me. I don't mean to be offensive, but why borrow trouble when there is none there to start with? :)
Seriously? I am pretty sure that when I focus on God He will put it on my beloved's heart what I need from him without me telling him a single thing. Though I am a talker so I tell him what I think I need or want. The Lord weeds it out in his mind and I get more than I could have ever dreamed of. Funny thing, most everything I have now in life is due to the Good Lord knowing my needs so whether I tell my beloved or not doesn't really matter in my case. *smile* I hope you are enjoying the different points of view on this particular topic of making things "too easy" on our beloved husbands. Trust you me, he has it tough outside this home we call our haven so why should I make things even harder? God knows the kind of wife he needs and so again, I focus on Him and am the perfect wife for my beloved. Sincerely, Mommy of two little blessings & so much more!
ReplyDeleteI'm participating in the Completing Him Challenge, too! Just stopping by to say, "Hi!"
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are great! I love your insights on this. Especially Susan's comment, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" As I mentioned, I'm not about ready to change anything in my marriage (besides the growth that every marriage needs in the Lord), since we have a very blessed and happy marriage. However, I have seen husbands who are demanding and never think twice about what their wives need. Your thoughts on the subject will help women in those situations, though. The Bible does say to "win them without a word". Tall order for someone like me! Glad my husband is a good listener. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm reminded of I Peter 3:6 when it talks about Sarah submitting to Abraham. It says we are her daughters when we do likewise and do not give way to fear.
ReplyDeleteWe musn't fear that serving our husbands will turn us into a doormat. But rather we must fear if God is pleased with us or not. Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice for us - his life. We must humble ourselves and give our all and let God take care of those other details.
No man will ever meet all of our needs - but God can - we must depend on him. And often times, our good willed husbands - respond to our loving and respectful actions with love and respect in return. It's just a matter of who will go first - so that's what this challenge is all about. Saying "I'll go first!" and I bet lots of women are reaping kind responses in return!
If we continue down the road that the world has told us to go - seeking selfish means in marriage - we will end in divorce - we must turn the ship around! And it starts with saying "I'll go first!"
Good thoughtful discussion Jen!
Courtney
That's a great way to put it, Courtney--"I'll go first!" That's truly the recipe for a happy marriage--when both are putting the other first as God intended. Most all problems (if not all) in society are rooted in selfishness. Thanks for your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great question! I love what Courtney said too about going first. I've found that to be true in my marriage. My husband is so delighted when I aim to please him that he tries SO hard to please me and give me what I need too.
ReplyDeleteI've loved this challenge and hearing everyone else's thoughts on their marriage!
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