"Does this shirt make my muscles look too small?"
"Did you see his hair? I'd give anything to have hair like that!"
"I can't have him coming into my garage! He'll see how messy it is!"
Can you even remotely imagine any man in your life making these statements? I can't. It is very laughable to think of any of these things coming out of the mouth of any male in my life. It seems that comparing oneself with other people is a distinctly feminine trait. Or is it?
What if men just aren't as vocal as we are? (That should go without saying--except I'm a woman, so....) What if they just don't "share" as much as we do (how about at all)? What if they really are looking at the other men around them and thinking, "I just don't measure up." ?
While I highly doubt most men are as worried about their appearance as we are about ours, let's just suppose that men do compare:
We say, "Oh, I just got back from Sally's house. It is gorgeous! I wish I had the money she had to decorate like that!"
He hears, "I wish you made more money so I could have a beautifully decorated home like Sally's."
Or what about this?
We say, "I was talking to Tammy at my high school reunion last night. Her husband is a cardiologist. Can you imagine the money they must have?"
He hears, "I wish I had married someone with a higher-paying job like Tammy did."
We say, "Carrie's husband got her a dozen roses and took her out to eat in a limousine for Valentine's Day? Isn't that romantic?"
He hears, "You never do anything that romantic for me. You don't really measure up as a husband."
You can imagine the implications this could have on your marriage, even if I'm only half right. I mean, how many of us want to hear our husband bragging on his best friend's wife's looks, organizational skills or decorating expertise? Perhaps this is another spin on the Golden Rule?
Can I challenge us to use our great vocal talents (stop snickering, husbands!) to change things up a bit? How about this:
"Honey, I appreciate how well you provide for us. You work really hard and I'm proud of you!"Those are just examples, of course. Be creative! You might even comment on those muscles or the neat garage (if you are so lucky).Don't expect him to say much. Just rest content in the fact that maybe his ears are hearing:
or"Thank you so much for thinking of me on my birthday. Your gifts always make me feel special."
"I value you as my husband and no one else could ever measure up to you!"