Friday, February 19, 2010

Are You Friends With Your Kids?

Two innocent comments made to me this week hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks--make that two tons of bricks.

One was in an e-mail I got from a friend of mine. She said she was going to spend some time with her friends that day, and I realized she was referring to her two little ones under the age of 5.

I love my children, don't get me wrong, but do I really--deep down--think of them as my "friends"? Why not? Other than my husband, they are the closest people to my heart, yet I never think of them as friends. We do things together, but I don't know how I often I consciously enjoy those things. I mostly just play with them--occasionally--to be a "good mom".

As I was pondering this in my mind and becoming more and more convicted, I heard one of my own little ones make the comment, "You're a busy mommy!" Not a fun mommy, not a loving mommy, not even an angry or mean mommy (whew!), but a busy one.

Life--and this blog which mirrors my life and many of yours--is about relationships. Yet, it's so easy to put our children into a separate category altogether. I'm asking the Lord to help me to make better friends with my children and to change that "busy" adjective in their mind. I want to spend time with them, love them, be with them.

Because I love them.

Because I love my friends.


  1. Wow! That is some powerful food for thought. Thank you for this meaningful post. It gives me much to ponder on.


  2. I'm sorry but I disagree about Mother's being their children's friends. We are not supposed to befriend them, but Mother them. Children have a hard enought time today knowing their place and if they believe they are an equal with adults, this will be a recipe for disaster.
    Spending time and enjoying our children is great but we need to keep a balance as the authority figure in their lives.

  3. Ah, there is a balance my friend. I discipline my children when correction is needed and have authority over them as I am called to by God but I am still their friend. We experience some of the sweetest moments of friendship together, my children and I. We go out and have lunch together, we shop together, go to the park together, go for walks together, play together, worship together, laugh together, and fellowship together. You know, the stuff friends do. The Bible calls us (believers) friends of God yet He chastens us when we go outside of His will - because He loves us and wants us to remain in fellowship (friendship) with him. He is not only our benevolent authority but also our very best friend. I can't think of a more faithful friend, can you? Who else is there for us like He is? Loves unconditionally like He does? Who listens to us like He does? This is the balance I speak of. Can you imagine an autority based relationship with God with no friendship? I sincerely hope not.

    I personally find it very painful to discipline my children. It breaks my heart to have to and to see them cry. But then I remember that my Father in heaven must discipline me and how much that must hurt Him too. It breaks His heart when I go astray but He so wants my heart knit close to His own. He wants to walk with me, talk with me - be my friend. Chastening is part of this process. Please reconsider this friendship thing with your children. They will grow up one day and I speak from experience. The friendship with your parents is one of the most important ones in your life. The relationship with your children you have now will greatly affect the one you have tomorrow. May I suggest a ministry that might bless you, friend? Go to Be blessed in your mothering and enjoy!!! :) P.S. I say all these things to you in love and in truth. I too have been where you are and have been brought to a different place with God's help and gentle guidance.

  4. I couldn't have said it better. I wrote a response that didn't show up somehow, but yours is so much more beautiful. Thank you!